Beto (Finally) Fails Downward: Former 2020 Frontrunner Lands Teaching Gig at Texas State

"He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches."

—George Bernard Shaw

For perhaps the first time in his boringly privileged life, former congressman Beto O'Rourke has failed to fail upward. Having proven himself unable to find success as a Senate candidate, presidential candidate, or blogger, Beto has accepted a teaching position at Texas State University, a mediocre institution of higher education.

O'Rourke, a graduate of the Woodberry Forest boarding school for boys, was not recruited by the university. "He originally approached people in the administration … and expressed an interest in teaching," said Ken Grasso, chair of the political science department at Texas State. "I was thrilled."

Beto will teach Texas politics at the university beginning in the spring 2021 semester, according to the University Star. He was reportedly motivated by a desire to connect with young people during such a "crucial time for the state and the country."

Beto became a national political celebrity among Pod Save America hosts and listeners in 2018 during his failed campaign against Sen. Ted Cruz (R., Texas). Having decided he was "just born to be in it," the Senate failure set his sights on even higher office, announcing his presidential campaign with a cover story in Vanity Fair.